Pregnant for a month.

I know I might just be blogging to myself but I'll just keep this going until I get you all interested. My tactic here is to be as candid as possible. I'm letting it all out. Sweet? Sweet.

As far as Trav and I go, there's not a lot going on that you don't already know about. Trav's in school taking lots of tests...and Malea is getting her trash kicked at the airport 4 days a week. Well here's what's going on behind the scenes...

Our house has been a little emotional for the last little while. And by that I mean Malea is a crazy person and Travis has to try and make sense of it. (I always tease Travis for being emotionally void, but I think I have enough of it for the both of us.) Let me explain.... I have spent the last 3 weeks thinking I was pregnant. COMPLETELY convinced. I thought I saw all of the signs; tired, nauseous, sore nubs (that's right, I said nubs) and more emotional than mom when she's at the MTC. I was freaked out at first and then I got really really excited. Just thinking about snuggling and kissing my own little creation made me so happy. I had it all planned out to keep it a secret and then surpise you all. In the back of my mind all I could really think about was "ooooo I can't wait to dress it"!!

Well, mother nature crushed those plans when she came to visit today. ("Ugh. Cramps? I'm supposed to be pregnant!?" ) Now I don't know what to feel. I'm sad. A little relieved. Kind of pissed off because I was wrong and Travis was right. What a mess I am!

What now you ask? Who knows. It gave me a lot to think about though. Like what is really important. I've been "postponing" my family for selfish reasons: I'm scared. I'm afraid I won't get to travel. I'm afraid of the mess it will make of my body. I'm afraid of bringing a completely dependent child into this world when I can barely keep up with taking care of my self. I'm scared because we have no money. blah blah blah. The thing is, those worries will probably never go away....but the one thing that "being pregnant" has taught me is that the solution to my worries is to just jump into them; face them. When we face them it forces us to find a way to get through them. And we know we can always get through them because we are promised that the Lord won't dish us more than we can take.

Whew. I hope that makes sense.

There are no plans to really get pregnant anytime soon (pretend pregnancy has been stressful enough), but this little hypochondriatic experience has definitely put the discussion on the table. For now, we will be re-evaluating our priorities and figuring out how we can make it work instead of why it won't.

Ah.Thanks for letting me get that out. I feel much better. I love you all! Post back soon :)

"I'm off to slay dragons!"
XOXO,
Malea